Mrs Shaw’s Fantastic Fourth Graders and the PG-Rated Day

 It all began when we viewed a science video on angiosperms and gymnosperms. Pollination was a bit risky as we took notes on the male and female parts of a flower. But the class was rather mature I thought, especially when asexual organisms like earthworms  were introduced.

They took it like adults.

But the animated  teenagers in the video discussing gymnosperms started to push the limits of 9-year-old composure. “Gym,” the perky cartoon figure explained, “means naked. So you see, a gymnosperm, such as a pine cone, is like an unclothed seed, it has no fruit or petals on. It is a naked seed.”

I tried to play it down—although I’m certain they’ll remember that fun fact—and divert the focus to spores and their vascular type of reproduction.

Along came Language Arts, where groups of five read around the teacher’s half-circle table. The nonfiction book at hand was about dams. The Aswan in Egypt, the Hoover in Colorado. It was all quite innocent until one sweet girl who wants to be pastor when she grows up could not quite get the words out. She was reading how dams are built with concrete walls. With extra emphasis, to spit the words out she had previously tripped over, she blurted, “...the dam wall!...” 

Then I, the teacher, became the least mature of them all and exploded into uncontrollable laughter which propelled the whole table and then the entire class into a roaring cacophony. I rocked and spun on my swivel chair for a good minute until we finally calmed down to let the next child read in turn. 

Every time the word ‘dam’ was read, snickers and giggles percolated up again. The last person continued to read about their construction and when she approached and read the word, buttress, a fresh tidal wave of laughter crested. I slapped my book closed, squelching a chuckle, collected the others and said, “That’s it! We’re done! I give up!” 

Aspiring pastor girl apologized profusely.”I didn’t  mean to say it that way, Mrs Shaw. I really didn’t!” 

“Of course you didn’t, Sabrina. That’s what made it so funny. You would never curse anything, much less a wall!”

It was a very PG-rated, hilarious day! The events of which most likely reached the dinner table and ears of many a parent!