Mrs Shaw’s Fantastic Fourth Graders and the PG-Rated Day

 It all began when we viewed a science video on angiosperms and gymnosperms. Pollination was a bit risky as we took notes on the male and female parts of a flower. But the class was rather mature I thought, especially when asexual organisms like earthworms  were introduced.

They took it like adults.

But the animated  teenagers in the video discussing gymnosperms started to push the limits of 9-year-old composure. “Gym,” the perky cartoon figure explained, “means naked. So you see, a gymnosperm, such as a pine cone, is like an unclothed seed, it has no fruit or petals on. It is a naked seed.”

I tried to play it down—although I’m certain they’ll remember that fun fact—and divert the focus to spores and their vascular type of reproduction.

Along came Language Arts, where groups of five read around the teacher’s half-circle table. The nonfiction book at hand was about dams. The Aswan in Egypt, the Hoover in Colorado. It was all quite innocent until one sweet girl who wants to be pastor when she grows up could not quite get the words out. She was reading how dams are built with concrete walls. With extra emphasis, to spit the words out she had previously tripped over, she blurted, “...the dam wall!...” 

Then I, the teacher, became the least mature of them all and exploded into uncontrollable laughter which propelled the whole table and then the entire class into a roaring cacophony. I rocked and spun on my swivel chair for a good minute until we finally calmed down to let the next child read in turn. 

Every time the word ‘dam’ was read, snickers and giggles percolated up again. The last person continued to read about their construction and when she approached and read the word, buttress, a fresh tidal wave of laughter crested. I slapped my book closed, squelching a chuckle, collected the others and said, “That’s it! We’re done! I give up!” 

Aspiring pastor girl apologized profusely.”I didn’t  mean to say it that way, Mrs Shaw. I really didn’t!” 

“Of course you didn’t, Sabrina. That’s what made it so funny. You would never curse anything, much less a wall!”

It was a very PG-rated, hilarious day! The events of which most likely reached the dinner table and ears of many a parent!

The Least of These - Part 2

 Recently, I felt our nightly addiction to Netflex was a complete waste of time. Better that we did something significant. I suggested to Tim that we find and pray about some kind of missions trip to Cuba or Haiti or even nearby Belle Glade that we could join. He agreed. 

When we were first married, in the mid-70s, our bible study group took monthly visits to an orphanage in La Gloria, Mexico. It was a great adventure full of scruffy orphans, dubious bathrooms and cockroach-filled cinderblock whose residents visited us as we slept on the concrete floors. We helped with laundry on 50s vintage washer/wringers, played with the kids, built structures, donated food and clothing and swept screen-less stucco dormitories. 

I was hankering for a new adventure of loving on the least of these.

Be careful what you hanker for. A month ago, our prayers were oddly answered when Tim received a call from his mother-in-law's landlord. They said that her condo was in need of mold-remediation and roof repairs and that all residences had to be immediately evacuated. 

So, on Cinco De Mayo, my 92-year-old Mexican mother-in-law came to stay. And it doesn't look like it will be temporary. She took over the office/guestroom.

The first morning of her stay, the internet was strangely off. We called Xfinity and netgear to see what the problem was. Our Chinese exchange student was beside himself because he had to use a hot-spot to engage in his ever-so-urgent videos games. After a morning of trouble shooting, we learned that mom-in-law had unplugged the wifi and cable devices. (A worry of hers is that leaving lamps and appliances pugged in is a fire hazard). Tim, controlling his temper as best he could, told her not to touch the wires. "I know not to touch them," she replied indignantly. " I used to work in electronics on the space shuttle for crying out loud!" He bundled and fastened the wires so she could not detach them. 

Late that night, I get a text from the Chinese student that the internet is down again. I go into her room and sure enough, she's unplugged everything digital. I reattached them without telling Tim and all is well. This happens three nights straight. Finally when Tim reprimands her again, she blames me for unplugging them! "That woman did it." 

I am so happy she is here so we can feed her regularly. Even though Tim was delivering her meals at her retirement community condo, she would not eat the leftovers in between deliveries. 

She weeds the front and backyards, hand picking all the droppings from our messy Poinciana tree. The property has never been more beautiful. She cuts things she shouldn't, so we hide the trimmers. She feeds the dog our precious coffee creamer, so we are getting a small refrigerator to stash it in. She sneaks the dog her meals, so we quarantine the dog at breakfast , lunch and dinner, so she will eat.  The dog is getting a fur problem because of his new diet of hot dogs, sausage and pudding. Fortunately, we have geriatric drinks we can sit and watch her gulp down once a day. She feeds the dog people food, including orange juice in a small dish that often gets spilled on the carpet. Saturday was spent scouring the carpets with our carpet cleaner, followed by a rug topper in her bedroom.

Her laundry is interesting. We are finding ways to trim and wash her hair although she resists vehemently.

The least of these and our prayed-for, hankered-for missions trip all in one precious, beloved soul.