What I Learned About Myself From A Wise Woman of Twenty

The house was filling up with young people and the volume began to drown out Randy Newman on the record player. I welcomed my chatty guests with a drink and an introduction to the rest of the group. It was the beginning of the Merry Month of May, as I called it; a full month of parties starting by celebrating my son's college graduation and ending with another son's wedding. Back in the kitchen I almost cut my finger prepping vegetables when I heard our friend, Kristin's comment.

She had been reading some philosophical book and lamenting some girlfriend's take on men, weary that her all her female friends seem to treat men alike. This was her complaint:

"Men may view women as objects, 

but women are guilty of viewing men as projects!"

Photo Credit www.allposters.com

Ouch!! She was so right, my conscience (not finger) clearly cut! I've always felt a little self righteous about being a woman. Poor men, they can't help themselves and  how they see woman as objects to be possessed or used for their pleasure. Unashamedly judgmental, I felt the male sex was a little more defective and morally inferior to the female species.

But she was right! How often do we try to make-over our men.
We dress them,
Manipulate their occupations to what suits us,
Train them to be the fathers and husbands we deem best.
We style their hair,
Tell them how to shave, or not
Re-design them, renovate them, remodel.

Then we put them on display on our Pottery Barn shelves and Ethan Allen hutches for all to see.
We post them on Facebook to garner 'likes' and make all the unhappily paired women envious.
We put up our perfect man on Pinterest with a link to our craft shop on Etsy.
Offer him as another creation we made from scratch.
He is the featured item in our "Perfect Male" shop.

"Look what I made! You too can have the boy of your dreams!"

Or we post our product on Ebay. Bidding starts at $199.

Recovering from her incriminating comment  - a revelation to me - and the near slice of my finger, I wondered how someone so young could possess such insight on the conflict of the sexes. She's truly cracked the code of relationships. No wonder men get tired of our nagging and prodding and messing. We straighten their hair without asking, fix their tie and trim their eyebrows to our liking.

Photo Credit - www.zazzle.com

At that moment, there in my kitchen in a house full of noisy company, in the middle of a party, I vowed to stop "project-ifying" my man, stop making him my mission,  and let him be who he is.

And I was a little, not much, but a little more forgiving of men who objectify women, not excusing them but feeling a bit more empathy for their weakness and wiring.

My husband will be happy to hear of my fresh resolution for our relationship - about my self-realization and new-found awareness.

I couldn't wait to tell him after the party - how this young woman of twenty had revealed a considerable flaw in my attitude toward him and men in general.

So I told him at bedtime.

After I had picked out his clothes for the morning.